Remember when it was cool to attach a string to a dollar bill and trap little boys on the street?

Hi friends,

Thanks to nick cumforbrains and cara slampig for inviting me.
I’m proud to be here and all… but I’ve had a blog before, so this isn’t new for me. It was a Xanga and I was in high school. I’d post ramblings and, honest to god, an occasional poem. But as soon as I became self-aware, I dumped that shit and never took myself seriously ever again.
I’ll introduce myself by saying… I’ll have things to say, but they won’t usually be complete thoughts. Also, I’ll consistently contradict myself. And yes, we all worked together on a newspaper in college. And now I’m making less than they warned me I’d make if I went into print media. But I love it for reason I won’t understand until I look back in a few years.
The following questions plague my everyday soul:
1.) Do dogs dream?
2.) Does Hillary Clinton really think crying is going to help?
3.) Are you wearing my prescription pants?
4.) Vantage Point is going to suck.
I think it’s important to point out that both Nick and Cara love TV, though they’ve already pointed it out. WHY DONT YOU MARRY IT?
I, on another hand entirely, will only watch HD channels on TV. I gave up on things like American Idol and I Love New York as soon as I heard about them and will only watch these kinds of shows if I’m ridiculously drunk or if I’ve just ingested some sort of magic brownie. But seriously, as I sit here and look inward at myself and try to come to terms with my likes and dislikes as a human, I probably am just afraid. I’m afraid that I’ll watch Flava Flav’s show a few times, then miss one, and ask a friend what happened so that I can catch up. What would they call this fear I’m afraid of having? Shittytelephobia? (I am, however, not at all embarrassed to say that I’ve seen every episode so far of the new American Gladiator. And that I want whatever shampoo Hulk Hogan is using.)
This leaves me with awesome old kung fu movies, the discovery channel, some shitty news programs, and the occasional Last Action Hero showing on TNTHD (You know what I mean if you’re white, American and privileged enough to have HD; they show it all the fucking time and I love it. I want, need and dream about that pinball machine.)
Did you catch that semi-colon? WATCH OUT!
So, if this is an introduction, then consider me introduced. I’ll have more to say next time. And it’ll make less sense.
Thanks. Vote for me.


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