Survivor Gabon: Ding-Dong the bitch is dead!

Spoilers. This week’s Survivor. DVR viewers beware…You know the drill..

Ok. What a terrible title for the weekly Survivor post. There are 3 reasons for this: 1) it’s before noon on a Saturday morning and that’s all the creativity I can spare. 2) I was up late at a Mindless Self Indulgence show and I’m exhausted (post to follow..) and 3) I need you all to know how much I despise CORINNE KAPLAN and needed to summon my inner-munchkin to parlay that apparently. I apologize whole-heartedly.

With no further adieu…

Earth's Last Eden

I know…it’s a low-blow. A personal jab at a reality contestant who was surely providing entertainment for me on a weekly basis. Right? WRONG. Calling Corinne a “miserable human being” is me treading lightly on just how awful I think she really is. I’d rather have Richard Hatch as a roommate than share one conversation with Corinne. Even if Hatch walked around naked all the time. Eeeeuughhhhhk

At the start of the episode, we had 7 Survivors left: Corinne and Bob, the outsiders, and the strong alliance of 5: Kenny, Crystal, Susie, Matty, and Sugahhh.  Corinne and Bob scrambled to come up with a plan – a long-shot strategic move that hopefully would keep them in the game (or so they thought…). Bob fashioned yet another fake idol and he and Corinne decide to tell the gang that Marcus gave them the idol that everyone watched him (Marcus) hurl into the ocean. Corinne tells Kenny about the “idol” under the false pretense that “Bob doesn’t know I’m telling you…” and yada, yada, yada. Manipulation at hand, but “Outwit, Outplay…” Go, Corinne. I’m glad her and Bob put up a fight.

At the Reward challenge, each Survivor saw a glimpse from a video from home and found out that they were playing for access to the full message, plus pizza and beer. Yummm. Bob wins, watches his video, and SURPRISE! His wife turns the corner! Such a nice little moment and a good little twist for the “family” reward mission that even surprised the viewers. The rest of the Survivors got to see their prospective family members when Bob returned with his wife. Everyone is happy. They all cry. Matty proposes (Congrats to him and Jamie!). And Sugar throws some of her father’s ashes in the African water at camp (So sad! I’m such a sucker for Sugar! I really feel for her.)

Immunity challenge. Trivia of Gabon. Each right answer gets them 1 throw at a target below a huge hill. Closest ball to the center wins. I don’t even know why the others even try – Bob wins. (Could he “Colby” it to the end?) Corinne and Bob’s plan shakes Kenny, who brings in Crystal on the “Marcus Idol”.

This is where I think CBS fucked up. Why did they show us Kenny’s plan? It turned out that he voted for Matty, but he told Crystal to keep her vote as Corinne. Therefore, should Corinne play an idol, Matty’s gone. But if she didn’t have it and was bluffing, she’d still go home. GREAT GAMEPLAY, Ken. The latter happened, of course, but CBS shouldn’t have shown us that part of the conversation. It killed the suspense at Tribal!

Kenny played it well – If Corinne had an idol and Matty got the boot, then Kenny and Crystal could jump with Corinne and Bob. And if she didn’t have it, Matty wouldn’t have to suffer for it.

But wait! Trouble is afoot! Kenny’s spot is blown! Previews show Sugar eyeballing Kenny as a threat, and Matty is surely going to wonder who, out of his “solid” 5, threw him under the bus.

Corinne went down. And her final words were nothing more than a whiny, bitchfest that proved once and for all that she is a poor sport and an utterly despicable person. Good. Riddance.

Final 6. Personally, I’d be OK with anyone winning but Crystal. Susie is also on the bottom of my spectrum. If Sugar, Matty, Kenny, or Bob win…they totally deserve it. Gabon may not be the best season (Fans Vs. Favorites!), but it has shaped up to be pretty unpredictable, and quite different from past casts.

TIL NEXT TIME! Kenny has some serious damage control to maintain…

P.S. Props to anyone who read this entire thing! Thanks!


5 Responses to “Survivor Gabon: Ding-Dong the bitch is dead!”

  1. You nailed it.. well said. I said from the first episode that Sugar was a lot smarter than anyone gave her credit for. I like Bob the best, though. His intellect is a joy to see amidst all the brainless behavior of so many this season.

  2. I agree with you Nick on the “Corinne is a Miserable Human Being” assessment– how did they score and get two of these (her and Randy) on one season! I am so glad they are gone. i do think however that Kenny was retarded/short sighted for selling Matty out in the Tribal Council vote. He just did’nt need to do that. if Corrinne’s idol was legit just her and Bob’s votes would be all that’s needed to get Matty out. So he betrayed Matty for nothing. Retard.
    Final Four: Sugar, Bob, Kenny and Matty

  3. See, that’s what I thought. That he betrayed Matty for nothing. BUT – Had Corinne used an idol, Kenny would’ve been “on the in” with them and could’ve ridden the Corinne/Bob train to the Final 3. I think it would’ve gained their trust had he needed to prove it to them.

    That’s the only thing I can think of…

  4. Sebastian Bach Says:

    I don’t think I have ever seen such a vile hideous, insensitive, self-absorbed ape as Corrine Kaplan. She is the reason men hate and distrust women. Its No surprise this ugly golddigger is still single. DISGUSTING.

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