’24’: The following took place between 12pm and 1pm

Any critic or fan that tries to say that ’24’ isn’t back is lying and full of shit. Last night’s episode (numero 5 of the season) brought just as much action, intrigue, and hilarity as the 4 hour premiere. And that ending!? Whoa

So Jack and Tony are undercover and still trying to kidnap Matobo to turn him over to Dubaku. How on earth will they ever get Matobo and his wife out of the safe room? The dude they’re beating to shit swears that it can’t be opened from the outside. What on earth will Emerson do? NO FEAR. Bauer summons his inner MacGyver and creates a house formula that will smoke them out. SUUUUURE. Plausible? Not really. But we’re ’24’ fans and we’re in it solely for the action. Gotta love when Bauer can save the day with kitchen commodities, right?

While trying to escape with Matobo and his wife in their custody, Renee Walker finds them and gets herself kidnapped, not knowing that Jack and Tony are undercover. Walker, who broke protocol with her asshole boss Larry Moss (drink!) was actually summoning her inner Jack Bauer…which needless to say, is quite commendable. I think I like her already.

Henry Taylor, on the other hand, is still sitting on the park bench for what seems like hours. He doesn’t want to tell his wife what he has discovered about his son until he can prove it. But instead of finding the nearest computer to check out the flash drive…he sits on the bench for a little while longer while his secret service agent gives him a spiked coffee with some sort of this-will-fuck-up-your-muscular-system drug. Taylor doesn’t realize this until after the secret service agent brings him to an apartment which turns out to be Samantha’s, his son’s ex-fiance. Taylor collapses, Samantha is being conned into returning to her apartment, and they plan to frame Taylor for the death of Sam and then they’re going to make it look like he killed himself.

Dear Season 6 writers: THIS is the type of B-story you want for ’24’. NOT something like Morris’s drinking problem. Take notes.

Cut back to Jack and Tony – They convince Emerson to keep Walker alive because hey, she might know something! Bad Guy #36 calls Emerson to say they’re positive Walker doesn’t know anything and to kill her before they return to Secret Lair Destination #4. Emerson instructs Bauer to kill her…he shoots her! BAM. Gunshot. Walker is dead!? No…Bauer shot the side of her neck…rolls her into a grave…throws a tarp over her and starts to leave. Not good enough for Emerson, who instructs Bauer and Almeida to bury her. Or rather, bury her (unknowingly) alive. They do so. And as the last shovel-full of dirt covers Walker’s face, the clock BOOP-BEEPS and we’re left waiting til next week.

BITCHIN’.

But wait…what was with that SILENT COUNTDOWN!? Is Walker dead!? Will the FBI not find her in time? Will Walker ever believe Jack was under cover? Does it even matter if she’s dead?  Questions upon questions messed with my mind. ’24’ is being inconsistent with their silent countdowns. Bitch better be dead, right? Well, I couldn’t wait til next week so I checked Annie Wersching’s IMDB profile to see how many episodes she was scheduled for. It’s a pretty spoilery thing to do, but if you want to know…you can simply click the hyperlink.

End notes:

1. I’m craving more. Sucks when you’re not watching ’em on DVD.

2. No Bill or Chloe make me sad inside.

3. Moss is still a douche.

4. I hope Taylor kicks some ass next week.

5. Aaaaaand oh yeah, President Taylor rocks. She refuses to meet the terrorists demands and plans on invading Africa anyways to stop Juma’s genocides.

6. OH I FORGOT THE BEST PART! When Emerson checked the Security Guard’s cell phone – it said “F.B.I. CALLING.” Boy, did we laugh. That also deserved a drink.

Til next time…

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4 Responses to “’24’: The following took place between 12pm and 1pm”

  1. “Betwen”?

  2. hahaha i read this damn thing like 3 times! YOU GOT MY BACK, GAIL!

  3. slutnugget Says:

    GREAT recap – very entertaining!

  4. haha you read my recap only after I agreed to read your paper! haha jk

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